Whenever I take the time to really look at my life and to consider my actions and the motives behind them, I realize that I’m really lazy and I underachieve a lot. I’m not saying this to try to make myself sound cool or awesome or anything like that. It’s actually quite the opposite. What I find is that my lack of motivation in anything, whether it be school, music, relationships or my walk with God, ultimately arises out of fear. I’m scared of giving my best effort and still failing. If I don’t try my best in my classes and I make Cs, it’s not big deal because I didn’t try hard so whatever. If I don’t do my quiet times and don’t spend time with God then it’s no big deal when I fall flat on my face because I can admit that I wasn’t trying hard in the first place. It’s the inevitability of falling on my face even when I’m doing those things that scares me.

This is something I’ve known about myself for a while but I’ve never really confronted it. I wasn’t even looking to confront it today but God hit me upside the head with it anyways. I was reading Romans 8:38-39 that says, “38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” At the same time, I was listening to a song by Jon Foreman called “Your Love is Strong” which is an amazing song taken from Matthew 6. Both of these things speak to the unconditional and might nature of God’s love for us. After reading the verses, I laid back on the couch and listened to the song as Jon sang of how God clothes the fields and takes care of the birds of the air and I felt at peace for the first time in a long time. I’ve always known about the unconditional nature of God’s love for the first time I think it became practical in my life. I WILL fall flat on my face but I’m going to do my best to make sure that it isn’t because I’m still living in fear of failing. God has given me the peace to know that I can go for it. 

Amber may now correct all of my grammatical errors. I’m terrible with commas.